a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
