Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
