There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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