I wish I could teleport
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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