He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
