Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
