I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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