how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
