i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
