What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
