Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
