Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
