Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
