i love accidental penises.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
