Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
