I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
