Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
