Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
