I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
