You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
