I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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