Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
