This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just puked most of my soul out..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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