Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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