Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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