i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
