I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
