Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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