THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
