we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
