I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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