No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize