Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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