i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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