Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
