So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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