She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
