i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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