Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize