Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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