T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
