What a fucking waste of an outfit
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she peed on how many people?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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