peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Text me some of your sweat
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