Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
