yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
