it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
