I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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