the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
