When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
