I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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