If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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