and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
