There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How does it feel to date your dad?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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