I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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