You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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