whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I want is dick and wine.
I wear drunk well.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
