Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
