Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
