It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
