can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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