Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
