is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
