the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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