Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
