Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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