He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
