i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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