ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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