I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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