I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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