Me too!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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