I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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