fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
